dackjaniels
"For he on honey-dew hath fed, and drunk the milk of Paradise."
Two more countries in the south have been swallowed up by the Toxic Jungle...
love"I'm still in fairly good spirits, still single, still foolishly in love. I don't think any of those three things will change for a while, and honestly, I don't think I want them to change right now. Yes, even the single part. As desperate as I am for companionship, I don't have much room for the extra complication of a romantic relationship. Maybe later."
Okay, so I was fooling myself. The "extra complication" of a relationship would be a burden that I'd carry with great pride and joy. The only cause of lasting regrets, sadness, and general bad mojo in my life right now is the lack of a woman with whom I can share myself and my life, what little of it there is to go around. I've got the longing for a partner, and it's a damned strong desire, strong enough to distract me during the day with errant considerations of my long-term future, and marvelous fantasies on the subject. <3
Which brings me to another point. There are plenty of dating resources available to me, but I'm just too focused on one woman. I'd almost call it a fixation, really, seeing as how I'm not digging through Adult Friend Finder or some shit like that to get myself a woman because I want to be with her. It's a rather bizarre bit of personal reflection to think that I've desired this woman virtually nonstop for almost two and a half years, now. I hate to say it, but that really makes me wonder if I'm doing the right thing. To be with this woman is without a doubt my #1 medium/long-term goal, surpassing financial success and spiritual/religious fulfillment by wide margins, and I'm not really sure if I should celebrate that fact or be wary of it. I want the former, but who knows? It feels like I'm right on the verge of making my life something to be proud of, having a home and a steady job that provides enough to be comfortable, and having the love of a beautiful woman who makes me happier than I ever imagined I could be. The wrench in those works is that I don't know what she's going to do...I wouldn't call her mercurial, but her romantic situation rarely seems steady nor straightforward. Sometimes I have a great deal of trouble understanding why she feels and does things in her way. I know I've pissed her off at least a few times with my questioning, but if I can't understand something, I ask about it. It's the way I work through problems.
Bah, I'm not going on a rant. I gotta get ready for my extra cover hours tonight. A ten hour shift, bringing this week's total up to around 45-46. Next week's going to be 46 minimum, probably closer to the 48-50 range. Cash mizzoney, bitches.
Okay, so I was fooling myself. The "extra complication" of a relationship would be a burden that I'd carry with great pride and joy. The only cause of lasting regrets, sadness, and general bad mojo in my life right now is the lack of a woman with whom I can share myself and my life, what little of it there is to go around. I've got the longing for a partner, and it's a damned strong desire, strong enough to distract me during the day with errant considerations of my long-term future, and marvelous fantasies on the subject. <3
Which brings me to another point. There are plenty of dating resources available to me, but I'm just too focused on one woman. I'd almost call it a fixation, really, seeing as how I'm not digging through Adult Friend Finder or some shit like that to get myself a woman because I want to be with her. It's a rather bizarre bit of personal reflection to think that I've desired this woman virtually nonstop for almost two and a half years, now. I hate to say it, but that really makes me wonder if I'm doing the right thing. To be with this woman is without a doubt my #1 medium/long-term goal, surpassing financial success and spiritual/religious fulfillment by wide margins, and I'm not really sure if I should celebrate that fact or be wary of it. I want the former, but who knows? It feels like I'm right on the verge of making my life something to be proud of, having a home and a steady job that provides enough to be comfortable, and having the love of a beautiful woman who makes me happier than I ever imagined I could be. The wrench in those works is that I don't know what she's going to do...I wouldn't call her mercurial, but her romantic situation rarely seems steady nor straightforward. Sometimes I have a great deal of trouble understanding why she feels and does things in her way. I know I've pissed her off at least a few times with my questioning, but if I can't understand something, I ask about it. It's the way I work through problems.
Bah, I'm not going on a rant. I gotta get ready for my extra cover hours tonight. A ten hour shift, bringing this week's total up to around 45-46. Next week's going to be 46 minimum, probably closer to the 48-50 range. Cash mizzoney, bitches.
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